Making Connection Irresistible: Building Belonging for Educators
In today's diverse classrooms, fostering a sense of belonging is not just a nice-to-have; it's essential for student success. When students feel valued, respected, and connected to their school community, they are more likely to thrive academically, socially, and emotionally. The process of building a culture of belonging starts with creating inclusive and affirming spaces for all members of the school community–including the faculty and staff.
At the independent school I lead in midtown Manhattan, my team decided to opt for a unique holiday gathering–but rather than arranging for a staff holiday celebration at a nearby venue, team members designed and arranged for a spectacular event in our newly expanded 6th floor with dining seating, welcome drinks, photo booths, games and a karaoke room. This amount of dedication and commitment to the community even amidst the push of getting to the end of a busy semester was heartwarming.
In the past, faculty celebrated the holiday season at one of the many nearby venues that are often crowded and buzzing with the voices of fellow professionals enjoying after work gatherings. This year our Dean of Faculty, Rachael, and Student Support and campus Operations Manager, Ruby, decided to take a different approach. Dining out with a large group in Manhattan during the holidays can present a myriad of challenges–everything from busy wait staff to meeting dietary needs, not to mention a hefty tab at the end. So Rachael and Ruby put their creativity to work, designing a magnificent celebration for faculty members on campus. At first, I sensed some apprehension among the faculty, but in the end, everyone was blown away by how beautifully the space was transformed into an environment that fostered connection and community among the faculty. There was a karaoke room, game room and catered meal that accounted for everyone’s dietary needs.
Traditions are important, but sometimes we limit ourselves to what we’ve done in the past because we’re clinging to a sense of certainty in a world that feels uncertain. As this article from Psychology Today describes, it is our connection to one another that provides the antidote for uncertainty–even if that means letting go of what we did in the past.
Connection can act as an antidote to uncertainty for several reasons:
Connection Reduces Isolation: Uncertainty often breeds feelings of isolation and loneliness. When we feel disconnected from others, uncertainty can feel overwhelming. Connecting with others–friends, family, community–provides a sense of belonging and support.
Connection Provides Perspective: Sharing our anxieties and concerns with others can help us gain different perspectives on our individual situations. Others may offer insights, support, or simply a listening ear, which can help us feel less alone and more grounded.
Connection Strengthens Resilience: Strong social connections provide a buffer against stress and adversity. When we feel supported by others, we are more likely to be resilient in the face of uncertainty.
Connection Fosters a Sense of Control: While we may not be able to control uncertain events, connecting with others can give us a sense of control over our social environment and our responses to what happens in our immediate environment.
Connection Increases Hope and Optimism: Connecting with others who have faced similar challenges can offer hope and inspiration. Hearing stories of resilience and overcoming adversity can help us feel more optimistic about our own ability to navigate uncertainty.
Our human brains are not wired for uncertainty and change; the process of letting go and trusting takes time and practice. We can start small and take care of ourselves along the way. Some of the process is an inside job–connecting with ourselves to get in touch with what we are feeling and experiencing in each moment, scheduling buffers between meetings so we have time to hydrate, taking a mindfulness moment during the day or turning some meetings into walking conversations when possible. These are small tips that I have learned along my school leadership journey that help me to build more trust with myself first, and then among members of my team. Following are a few more ideas to consider:
Lead with values: Conduct a training session where participants have an opportunity to identify their values from a list and share them with a partner. Where do/don’t they overlap with the shared values of the institution? It’s important for community members to recognize that they have an identity that is honored while still being accountable for the values of the school. The opportunity to make space for our unique values is critical to building genuine connection.
Identify communication preferences: Send out a survey that asks community members about their preferred method of communication (face to face, text, email, Slack etc.). Be willing to share your preferences as a school leader as well. This acknowledges the individual needs of each community member and our willingness to be flexible about how we connect with each other.
Intentionally center joy: While we always want to acknowledge the range of emotions that we carry, we can still create moments of joy and connection whenever possible. All of the emotions we experience are allowed to coexist. Part of being in community means allowing for the range of experiences and emotions we each carry.
Starting small may mean adapting one tradition despite the resistance to change. We trusted Rachael and Ruby to create an experience that was unlike what had happened in the past, and in the end, it exceeded all expectations. Certainly, holiday celebrations may be low-hanging fruit, but what better way to make community building irresistible?
It's important to note that connection is not about simply being around people. It's about meaningful, authentic connection–sharing our vulnerabilities, listening deeply, and offering genuine support to others. Just as we would like our students to experience a space of joy and connection at school, our faculty members need to have that experience as well. In the case of our faculty holiday gathering, there was a marked shift in how we saw our campus; rather than seeing the school campus solely as a place of work, faculty were able to experience it as a place for community and connection as well.
It is important for the young people in our schools to see the adults in their communities coexisting in a way that is joyful and connected. If the adults are stressed, exhausted and overwhelmed, children arrive at the conclusion that the same future awaits them. When our young people see adults experiencing joy and connection even in the midst of challenges and uncertainty, learners recognize that joy and connection is possible for them, too. In my opinion, as we practice the tools of self-awareness and mindfulness ourselves, we can show up in a way that makes our young people enthusiastic about doing the same.
These moments–both small and large–can be critical in shifting the overall school culture to allow for more connection and community. Upon reflection, designing for greater belonging and connection has allowed me to appreciate the importance of expanding our definition of what school represents for all members of the school community. Just as we would want our students to feel connection and community amidst the uncertainty of life’s challenging moments, the same is true for the adults in the community.
Kalimah Fergus Ayele is the Head of NYC Campus for The Winchendon School, an oasis in the heart of Manhattan where students are guided through real-world learning to connect with their passion through a unique city-wide field study program.
Her experience in schools started as a Peace Corps Volunteer where she taught Chemistry in East Africa and over her 30 year career, she has taught in 5 countries. She earned her bachelor's degree in Chemistry at Stanford University and masters degrees at Teachers College Columbia University, including an Ed M in Organization Leadership through the Klingenstein program.
A native of Brooklyn, NY, Kalimah Fergus Ayele has always been committed to building thriving, inclusive communities where participants experience a sense of belonging and have the opportunity to build the necessary tools to design and create a more equitable world.